Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead
I had previously mentioned that my juice cleanse was cut short by an unknown 24 hour illness. I don’t think it had anything to do with the cleanse itself, but since I wasn’t feeling 100%, I stopped.
As I was sitting at home on my day off Monday (Holla, Presidents!), I was browsing some movies I could watch for free on my Kindle. (Holla, Amazon Prime!)
I came across a movie that I had heard about when I was researching my cleanse.
From the site:
100 pounds overweight, loaded up on steroids and suffering from a debilitating autoimmune disease, Joe Cross is at the end of his rope and the end of his hope. In the mirror he saw a 310lb man whose gut was bigger than a beach ball and a path laid out before him that wouldn’t end well— with one foot already in the grave, the other wasn’t far behind. FAT, SICK & NEARLY DEAD is an inspiring film that chronicles Joe’s personal mission to regain his health.
With doctors and conventional medicines unable to help long- term, Joe turns to the only option left, the body’s ability to heal itself. He trades in the junk food and hits the road with juicer and generator in tow, vowing only to drink fresh fruit and vegetable juice for the next 60 days. Across 3,000 miles Joe has one goal in mind: To get off his pills and achieve a balanced lifestyle.
While talking to more than 500 Americans about food, health and longevity, it’s at a truck stop in Arizona where Joe meets a truck driver who suffers from the same rare condition. Phil Staples is morbidly obese weighing in at 429 lbs; a cheeseburger away from a heart-attack. As Joe is recovering his health, Phil begins his own epic journey to get well.
What emerges is nothing short of amazing – an inspiring tale of healing and human connection.
Part road trip, part self-help manifesto, FAT, SICK & NEARLY DEAD defies the traditional documentary format to present an unconventional and uplifting story of two men from different worlds who each realize that the only person who can save them is themselves.
Ok, SPOILER ALERT! That’s Phil, he did it!! And OH. MY. GOD. did I cry like a baby when I saw him running (with that shirt on no less, just watch the movie and you’ll know what I mean). What an inspiration!!
With all that being said, I decided to start juicing again. I’ve started slowly, with juices for breakfast and lunch and a sensible dinner. I’m really, really enjoying it. I’ve started trying different juice flavors instead of sticking to the scheduled one (ala blueprint).
Ya see, juicing is just a fast and effective way to pack in all your fruits and veggies. Not to mention that I’m eating drinking veggies that I wouldn’t touch normally (yea beets, I’m talking bout you).
I still love the green juice and have some variation of that every day, my breakfast juice has been changing. Last night I made a pineapple, apple, carrot juice with a small handful of spinach.It looked like a blender full of vomit. No lie. 
So, not to be a pusher, but you should really watch this movie, and then we can talk juicing, because who doesn’t love hopping on a good bandwagon??
I might even have Adam on board. 
The Burning Questions
Obviously, I wanted people to know that I was doing the cleanse, otherwise I wouldn’t have put it on the blog, instagram, Facebook and all other social media outlets.
So, I guess it comes with the territory when people start asking me questions about said cleanse.
I thought I’d answer a few of the questions that I’ve been asked since announcing my intentions.
How does it taste?
Some are better than others. The green one is good, it tastes primarily like the fruits (green apple and kiwi). I’ve noticed at times I’ve added too much spinach or celery, and then yeah, I’m kinda choking it down.
The cashew milk is also delicious. It’s almost creamy, with the honey, cinnamon and nutmeg working together nicely.
The cucumber is the yellow juice is really the dominant flavor in that juice, but the pineapple adds a nice amount of sweetness. I actually can’t even taste the apple.
Lastly, the spicy lemonade is probably my least favorite. I feel like I still haven’t figured out just the right amount of cayenne pepper. I know there has to be enough to taste it, but if I add too much, then I really have a hard time choking it down.
Aren’t you hungry?
Actually, I’m not. It’s kind of surprising. But as I mentioned before, the first few days I did it, I substituted a “real meal” for one of the juices.
I can totally see how some people say that you just want to chew something, drinking all, day erry-day gets old.
Are you ::ahemm:: going a lot?
I’ve tried to figure out just the right way to say this, but honestly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Obviously, you’re turning everything into juice, so that’s a lot of liquid. There are a lot of bathroom trips to pee, but other than that… 
I expected.. well, I expected much worse. I’ll leave it at that.
Did you lose any weight?
Well, I actually didn’t do a before and after weight check, but I’m realistic enough to know that even if I did lose weight, it would just be water weight. I really wanted to do this as a jump start to cleaner eating.
So, I did this juice cleanse for 3 days, I had planned to do it for longer, but I got a touch of some kind of bug Wednesday that made me stop. 
Going forward, I may try to do it here and there. I actually liked having the juice in the morning, it’s a good way to start the day with a huge serving of greens.
Now that I’ve answered some of the burning questions, is anyone thinking about trying it?
My Favorite Kind of Post
It’s been a while since I really checked all the stats on my blog. I wasn’t too concerned about how many views I had, where my views were coming from, or how people were finding me. In fact, I kicked around the idea of deleting the blog all together. 
Since I’m back in the game, I’ve been looking at all the search terms that lead to my blog. There’s always the different variations of Bananas and Beer; Beer and Bananas, Bananas and Beer diet, (is this such a thing? I should know, right) but every once in a while, there will be a doozie in the list:
GIRL BOTTOMLESS ON MOTORBIKE
Hmmm, I scoured my past posts to try and see what the hell that has anything to do with my blog. I got nothing, but thanks for the laughs, buddy.
LADIES WITH DOUBLE CHIN
Ugh, I know it!!
I LOVE MY NEW GLASSES
Now this seems right. I actually jump at the chance to profess my love for a particular eyewear site, but I’ll save that for another day. In the meantime, I DO love my new glasses.
And all the Instagram photos that follow said new glasses. 
LADIES MUSTACHE
Luckily, I’m not offended by this search term, because I do know how to rock the mustache.
YOU ARE BORING ME TO DEATH
Eh, can’t win ‘em all.
SWISS CHALET SAUCE CUP COSTUME
Oh my gosh, I think I just decided on my next Halloween costume.
PLUS, I would literally shank someone for some of that food right now. I’m ready for this cleanse to be over.
DIY Blueprint Cleanse
I’ve looked into doing the Blueprint cleanse before, but I quickly dismissed that thought. It’s $65 a day. A DAY!! I’m too cheap. I can think of a thousand other things I’d like to spend $65 a day on.
Thanks to Pinterest, I found some at home variations, and decided to give it a go.
The Blueprint Cleanse consists of 5 juices that you drink throughout the day. I’ve made them all with a few changes.
You start each morning with the “Green Juice”.
Green Juice (makes about 32 oz)
- 2 granny smith apples
- 2 kiwi (peeled)
- 4 stalks of celery
- 1 stalk of kale
- Handful of spinach
- 1 bottle of water.
I threw all the ingredients (except the water) into my Ninja Blender and gave it a whirl. I gradually added the water until the green stuff stared resembling juice.
Because I don’t have an honest to goodness juicer, I had to strain the juice (UGH, this part sucked).
This is the most time consuming- labor intensive part. It just takes time to separate the juice from the pulp. Put the pulp in a separate bowl while you to continue to strain, you’re not done with it yet, not by a mile.
Take the reserved pulp, and add it back to the blender along with more bottled water, and blend it again. The point is to get the most out of the greens.
I strained 3 times before finally wrapping it up. it’s helpful to strain into a large glass measuring cup, then you’ll know when you’ve got what you need. You should have about 32 ounces.
Now that you’ve got the gist of making the juice, I’ll tell you the other juices I’ve made.
Yellow Juice (makes about 32 oz)
- 1/4 of a whole pineapple
- 1 red apple
- 1 whole cucumber
- 1 bottle of water
Red Juice (makes about 32 oz)
- 1 beet (peeled)
- 4 carrots
- 2 red apples
- juice from 1/2 a lemon
- 1 bottle of water
Spicy Lemonade (makes about 16 oz)
- 1 tbsp honey
- juice from half a lemon
- dash of cayenne pepper (or more, to taste)
- 1 bottle of water
Put a little bit of hot water in your bottle before adding the honey so it dilutes easier. Add the lemon juice and cayenne, then top it off the bottled water.
Cashew Milk (makes about 16 oz)
- 1 cup raw cashews
- 1 tbsp honey
- dash on cinnamon
- dash on nutmeg
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1 bottle of water
Very important! You MUST soak your cashews in water for AT LEAST 2 hours before making this.
Add the softened cashews to the blender along with remaining ingredients and about half the water. Blend together, strain, blend again adding a bit more water.
You should drink the juices as follows:
8am: Green Juice
10am: Green Juice
12pm: Yellow Juice
2pm: Spicy Lemonade
5pm: Red Juice
7pm: Cashew Milk
Here’s where I veer off course. I didn’t like the red juice AT. ALL. The beet flavor was very strong. I tried adding extra lemon juice, honey and frozen blueberries. Nothing seemed to mask the strong flavor. So yeah, the red juice, not happening. It all went right down the drain after the photo shoot. 
The green and yellow juices are my favorites, so I decided that I’ll just replace the red juice with another yellow juice.
The cashew milk is good, not great. I’ve actually found a different recipe where after making the milk, you blend it with a frozen banana. That sounds good. right?
I actually haven’t decided how long I’m going to do this for. I originally thought I’d do 3 full days, but honestly, I went slightly cray cray after a mere 4 hours, I wanted to eat something, chew something. And watching Adam eat chips certainly wasn’t helping. Since I skipped the red juice anyway, I decided to eat a sensible dinner in it’s place.
Guess that’s pretty counter-productive to a cleanse, huh?
Going forward, I’m going to try to do this for the next 3 days. Whether or not I’ll substitute a real meal in place of a juice remains to be seen, but regardless, I will be juicing up all my fruits and veggies. I will not let all that stuff go bad.
YOUR TURN:
Has anyone ever tried a cleanse? Which one? Did it work?
Helium Comedy Club
I love to laugh. Whether I’m watching movie or some stand up on Comedy Central, I just really like laughing. So imagine my excitement when I heard Buffalo was getting a new comedy club.
Helium is the name, and comedy is their game. (Not my strongest joke, let’s just move on mmmkay??)
Check my mad photography skillz!!
Helium Comedy Club is a chain with other locations in Portland and Philadelphia, with their newest venture right in my own backyard, kinda.
They opened back in December, and I’ve already been there about 5 times. They typically have a pretty big name as the main act, while also featuring some local comedians as well.
Adam and I ventured out with friends last night to see Brian Pohsen.
I laughed so hard I was certain I would wake up with a migraine. Each act was better than the last, but I won’t lie, Brian’s fart jokes had me literally thigh slappin laughin. Oh now, just try and act like you’re too mature for some fart jokes and f bombs.
In addition to the belly aching laughs, Helium has a full bar (whoop, whoop) as well as a full menu available inside the showroom with some of the best chicken fingers and fries I’ve ever had.
The Showroom
It’s also a bonus that my brother works there, who I think is one funny guy and deserves his chance on that stage, but perhaps I’m a bit bias.
Family ties aside, this place is a blast. Plus laughing is just good for your soul. There’s a few good comedians coming to the club in upcoming weeks,so I can say with absolute certainty that I will be back.
Back with a vengence
I’m back!! I’ve obviously taken a break. A break from blogging, a break from working out and a break from eating healthy. I’m not going to lie, I loved every minute of it. I LOVED the carefree-ness of it all. Having fun at parties and not being consumed with thoughts of how hard I’ll have to work to burn off that chicken wing dip, or those 17 beers. I’ve loved making really unhealthy macaroni & cheese recipes and devouring their cheesy deliciousness. I’ve loved having cereal for dinner, and coming home from work, throwing on my sweats and just vegging out. I loved it, LOVED IT!! But more importantly, I NEEDED it. I needed to reset mentally. I’m glad I did.
But it’s time. I’m ready to give this all another go ’round. Not to mention, I’m ready to lose the weight I’ve gained from my glorious break.
I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made that so greatly expanded my waistline, but I’ve had enough. I feel tired and sluggish, and I’m 100% certain it’s due to my lack of physical activity, and stuffing my face with junk.
So come with me y’all, AGAIN, as I fight the good fight, towards a happy, healthy (and hopefully thinner) life!
Urban Legends
I was reading one of my favorite blogs this morning, and the blogger had mentioned a book that I remember vividly from my childhood.
It was a book filled with scary stories, but one story in particular always stuck out for me. It’s one that I continued to tell well into adulthood to creep people out.
Remember this…?
A young woman was sunbathing on the beach and was just about to drop off to sleep, when she felt an insect running along her jawbone and then down her neck. She brushed it away, and thought nothing more of it.
After about a week, she noticed what she thought was a pimple growing and growing. The skin was inflamed and it looked like a blister. Then, one day, she was blow-drying her hair and hit the inflamed spot with her hair dryer. The blistered skin broke open and hundreds of tiny white baby spiders and pus came pouring out of the wound!
It seems that while she was sunbathing, her pores had enlarged enough that a mama spider could deposit her egg sac in one. They incubated under her skin until she smacked herself in the jaw with the hair dryer!
I know, it’s gross. Maybe it’s true, but it’s probably not. It totally gives me the heeby jeebies and when you mention this book, it’s always going to be the first thing that comes to my mind.
I was surprised that someone remembered this book as well, so I just had to comment with my cliff’s notes version of the story.
click to enlarge
Look at me, ruining someone’s day as early as 9:16 am!
And now I’ve probably subsequently ruined your day as well.
YOU’RE WELCOME!! 
A Few Quick Workouts
It’s very easy to fall out of your routine. It’s been months (MONTHS) since I got up and went to spinning in the AM.
I intend to go to the gym after work, but that usually doesn’t happen.
But instead of throwing in the towel, I’ve been busting my ass in the comfort of my own home.
I found a few different workouts on various blogs, so I can’t take the credit for them, but feel free to give them a shot. A hot, sweaty, leg/arm burning shot.
The deck of cards workout is no joke. It’s one of my favorites, and the 20 minute one is tough. It makes 20 minutes seem like an eternity.
Have fun and enjoy!!
The Great Vacation Post
I’m on vacation this week, and that’s the reason you’re seeing a post.
I spent Monday vegging out with some SATC.
Then on Tuesday, Stephanie picked me up and we went to lunch. After that, I killed it in the clearance section at Ulta.
Those fabulously colored liquid eyeliners were only $2.50 and the eyelashes were only $1.99!!!
My Mom is coming over on Thursday to help me make a turkey. It’s something I’ve never done, and I’m slightly intimidated at the process.
Cut to me gagging while removing the bag of “innards.”
I went out on Saturday night with my girls in preparation of a lazy week off.
I really must keep better track of my nose when out drinking. It’s always MIA in pictures. 
We went to “The Cove” which is a bar with a fun tropical like atmosphere, which doubles as a child’s birthday party venue during the day.
I went hard that night!
4:15 am bedtime, sleepover at Kim’s house, and walking of shamin’ it back the the bar to pick up my car in last nights outfit and way too high shoes for a Sunday afternoon.
I could feel the judging eyes of the mothers, and not to mention the 4 year olds. They’re the worst of all.
And speaking of the shoes…
I should have known the shoe swap was inevitable, I mean, those shoes only get me through 3 out of the 5 bars on our Vegas bar crawl in May.
So between marathon TV watching sessions, and finally making a dent in the stack of Borders Bargain books, I’m having a great week off!
The Story of Why I Don’t Blog More
Looking back at my previous posts, it makes me a little sad that I don’t blog more often. 
Sometimes, I just have a lack of material, haven’t been to the gym or crushed an entire bag of chocolate frosted donuts. That’s not exactly what a “Healthy Living Blogger” wants to blog about.
True Story, I am indeed a healthy living blogger… and all my friends are simultaneously thinking…”WHAAAAAA???”
Well, there’s a legit reason of why you don’t read more from me, and the simple fact is that we had no internet at home.
Ya see, when we first moved in to the house we live in now, we had internet through our cable provider. The service was kinda sketchy, but luckily we had a neighbor who was dumb kind oblivious enough to leave their wifi unprotected.
We carried on that way, bouncing between said sketchy internet and friendly neighbors, for about a year or so.
We finally decided to cancel our internet service with the cable Co, and though, “Ha, we are so awesome, we’ll just use the unsuspecting neighbors internet, and not pay for it, this is really sticking it to the man”.
You see where this is going, right? KARMA!
Well, that neighbor caught on, literally, the day we cancelled the other service, and locked that bitch up right…but wait! It was no skin off our noses because our smart phones could be turned into a wifi hot spot. HOLLA! More free (kinda) internet!!
We were good!! 
That is, until a cooler phone became available, with a bigger screen and all the other bells and whistles that made us buy them in a hot second. However, you CANNOT turn these phones into a wifi hotspot. (Phone research: FAIL)
So, if you’re keeping track, karma got me good!!
Long story long, we finally got internet back!!
I really do appreciate that you’ve stuck around, through all this madness. I’m hoping that I’ve got enough material to keep ya coming back for more!!
